Blind Love
by MandyQ
Summary: A Missing Scene from Return of the Jedi. Our intrepid heroes have escaped Jabba's clutches, and are now safely on their way to rendez-vous with the fleet. But how does Han handle the news of the price that Leia paid in the fight for his freedom? Pls. R&R.


DISCLAIMER: Everthing in here save a white tunic with a wide sash is the property of LucasArts, ILM, and some other people I've never met and could never hope to meet. I have written this without their knowledge, much less their consent. Hopefully they'll never know. However, if they ever do find out I can only hope that the fact that I've made no money on this, nor do I want to, AND the fact that I mean no infringement (and am currently watching a DVD from which they made a profit on my computer as I upload this) will save me from their wrath.

A/N: This is my 1st STAR WARS fic. It's a mising moment that was eating my brain. THANKS to PadawanMom and EsmeAmeila for their pointing out the canon violation that was here yesterday- I fixed it. :) Please write reviews, please no flames. Thanks for reading.

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"Just five more steps," Leia encouraged Han as she led him by the elbow through the corridors of the _Milennium Falcon. _They had escaped: all of them; and the hyperdrive was about to engage. In just five more steps she would have Han safely in her stateroom and everything would be all right. Before last month she hadn't known the ship had such a place as a stateroom. Truth was, she mightn't have thought of the room as such now, save that it was what Lando had described the place as when he had first shown it to her. He had tricked this ship out for his own purposes, she had learned, and Lando enjoyed the finer things in life as well as any. He had prepared quarters for himself in the upper aft section of the ship which he had immediately offered to Leia when she embarked with him, Luke, Chewie, and the droids to rescue Han from Tatooine.

And they had succeeded. Jabba was dead and they were getting the hell out of there. Lando had gotten the _Falcon _into space before they could all get to the forward compartment, and they'd bid farewell and thank you to Luke as he departed in his X-wing fighter for his long overdue trip to Dagobah. Now, with the Falcon safely in Rebel space and on its way to rendezvous with the fleet, Leia guided Han gently toward the door to her stateroom. The door opened automatically to allow them access and then shut again locking itself as it did; a precaution that Lando had instated and Leia had never bothered to discern how to turn off.. "Where…" Han began to speak. He was still suffering mildly from the hibernation sickness he had developed as a result of having spent several months frozen in carbonite. Aside from not being able to see anything, he shivered still every once in a while: proof that his body was not yet up to the task of regulating its own temperature, and he'd not always successfully bridged the gap between thoughts and words on the first try. "Where are we going?" he finally managed to ask.

"We're here," Leia corrected him.

"Where's here?" Han asked for clarification. Hibernation sickness or no, he was still acting just like himself.

"We're in the captain's stateroom," she answered him, her voice a sure sign that she thought that calling this place a stateroom was more than a mere over statement.

"That posh little pit at the back of the ship that Lando had piled with cushions for himself?" Han asked. Clearly he knew where they were now.

"One and the same," Leia answered, smiling. It was good to have him back, remarks and all. "I thought you might like to get cleaned up," she offered, leading him across the cabin and into the small adjacent washroom. Han made no indication of how he felt on the subject, and Leia took that as a sign that he would, indeed, like to get washed up. After all, had she been frozen in carbonite for the better part of a year, the first thing she would have asked for would have been a toothbrush and a shower. The captain's washroom didn't have its own shower facility, but there was a basin and that would just have to do. Leia picked up Han's right hand and placed it on the tap. "Hot on the right, cold on the left, pull for the stopper in the center," she described. She then lifted his left hand and placed it on the shelf immediately to the left of him. "Wash cloth and clean towel," she said as his hand felt the soft terry fabric. She led his hand to the shelf below the towels and told him, "Here are clean clothes." Han nodded as Leia backed herself out of the washroom and took a seat on a bench less than a meter into the cabin.

Han fumbled with the water taps and then with the soap, but was able presently to fill the basin and to wash his face and hands. He pulled his dirty shirt off over his head and wiped the warm cloth over his neck and shoulders. He re wet the cloth and repeated the action with his chest before unfastening his trousers and sliding off his boots. A smile came to his face as he pulled his boots off. The last time his boots had been off of his feet had been for a much more enjoyable reason than a bath. He continued to undress as he spoke to Leia, who he was sure couldn't be more than a few inches away. "You brought me in here so you could watch me undress," he asserted, half joking half hopeful.

"Don't flatter yourself," she called to him from her seat in the main room. "There's nothing that I'm interested in looking at." That wasn't the truest statement she'd ever made, but at this moment seeing Han naked hardly rated a spot on her list of priorities.

"Why, Princess, that isn't at all the welcome I was expecting from you," he called back, "not after that heartfelt confession that you made."

"You remember that?" She winced at the memory of her moment's weakness there at the edge of the carbon freezing chamber. She'd let her heart and her fear and the circumstance get the best of her and had made a declaration of love to Han in front of all assembled. Darth Vader had even overheard. It was one of the most indecorous moments of her life that she could recall.

"That," Han answered her question, "and everything else that happened while we were in Cloud City." Leia winced again. He was referring, of course, to their lovemaking. It had been a frenzied and capricious coupling in her suite just after they had arrived in Cloud City. They had been waiting for fresh clothes and some word as to how long it was going to take to repair the hyperdrive on the _Falcon_ when what had started as her helping him off with his boots had ended in what Leia had to admit was the most passionate half hour of her life. Han had been a thoughtful and attentive lover and Leia had to admit to herself that the thought of a repeat performance had crossed her mind more than once in the months they had been separated; but this was hardly the time or the place for such shenanigans.

"Well, that was a long time ago," she said back to him, trying to get him to drop the subject. Han pulled on the soft cotton trousers he had discovered on the shelf Leia had indicated and, tying the drawstring, leaned his bare shoulder against the frame of the door leading from the washroom back into the main part of the cabin. His eyes were improving and he was just able to make out the shapes of the larger objects in the room; he was able to figure out when he was looking in Leia's direction.

"How long ago was it, Leia?" He asked her. All of the sarcasm and playfulness had gone from him voice. He had been in hibernation; he had no idea how long he had been gone, encased in carbonite, and hung on Jabba's palace wall.

"Months," she told him, "nearly a year." There were tears in her voice, and Han squared his jaw. He wanted to know what had gone on in his absence, but he hated the idea that she was hurting over it. "It took Lando and Chewie some time to find you," she added, sniffling, "and then there was time to plan…" she paused for a moment and it was clear to Han that she was trying her best not to let him know that she was on the verge of crying. He obliged her unspoken request that her tears be ignored and just nodded his head as she finished by assuring him, "We came as quickly as we could."

"Of course you did," he said back to her with a wry smile and daring to take a step into the room. He could make out a few shapes, and he was nearly sure that he could find his way to sitting next to her. That had been enough of the emotional stuff, he had decided; better to enjoy each other's company now and let the tears come later. He curled his lip as he flopped himself onto the bench next to her and leaned his face near to hers before adding, "You'd gone a month without me and I bet you could hardly stand it."

"Wasn't my idea," Leia played back. Han had a knack for making her smile even in the face of gravest danger and she was more than a little bit grateful for his levity under the circumstances. "Lando said you owed him for what happened to his gas mine and that he'd never see a single credit unless we got you out of there." Leia had missed this battle of wits between them and she had to admit to herself that she was suddenly having a good time.

"Well, I'll remember to thank Lando later," Han joked back, leaning his face toward hers. He'd already saved Lando's hide once today, and he was pretty sure that whatever he might have owed his old friend for helping out, that debt had been paid up. "Admit it, sweetheart," Han challenged her, leaning his face closer still, "you missed me."

"Maybe a little," she allowed, bringing her fingers to his brow to brush away a stray lock of hair. Han closed his eyes for a moment at her touch. He was sure that he wanted to kiss her just then, but he was having far too good a time engaging in this mental foreplay with her to segue so quickly into the physical foreplay which he was certain was inevitable. Instead of leaning the last few inches toward her, he leaned away and sat up straight on the bench beside her.

"Well," he addressed her plainly, as though he was suddenly all business, "try not to miss me too much now. I'm going up to the cockpit to keep Lando from doing any further damage to my ship." He stood from his seat but before he was able to take a step, she had stood as well and her hand was on his shoulder, impeding his progress.

"You'll do nothing of the sort," she insisted, pulling on his arm so that he would turn to face her. "You can't see the nose in front of your face." That was a fact that she could be relatively sure of seeing as he had not made even a single comment on her outfit. She had no desire to continue wearing the disgusting getup that had been forced upon her by Jabba and his henchmen, but the more immediate task of caring for Han had taken precedence over changing her own clothes.

"Yeah?" he challenged, frowning at her. He really couldn't see much but, savior or no, he'd be damned if he was going to let her order him around. "I can see you just fine," he lied. His eyes were getting better; he was sure of that. And he could fly the _Falcon_ blindfolded if he had to.

"Really?" she rebutted, rolling her eyes and shaking her head at him. He would not convince her to let him go and fly the ship. Han knew as much; he could tell by the initial tone of her voice that he wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon, but still she was irresistible when she was being contrary and he couldn't help himself but be ornery in response.

"Really," he answered her firmly. Leia chuckled and sighed heavily; that man could be the most infuriating creature she had ever met.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" she asked him, never bothering to even lift her hands.

"Three," he hazarded; the look on his face making it totally clear that he was guessing and that he knew she knew that he was guessing. But hell, a one in five chance was odds enough for him to go for it just on the off chance that he might win and make her all the more flustered. He loved it when he flustered her.

"Wrong," she informed him. Leia turned him around with her hands on his arms and guided him back to the bench to sit. "You're staying right here," she insisted. "In fact," she added after a brief thought, "you should lie down."

"Well, princess, why didn't you say so?" he said back to her. My, but she was getting antsy. Still, he could take another shot or two at her before she got what she wanted; what they both wanted. "If you want me to lie down with you so badly…" he said, leaning again toward her on the bench. He snaked his arms around her waist as his lips moved to capture hers. The kiss was as passionate as any that Han could remember the two of them having shared, but something seemed different. He brought his hands onto her waist as his mouth traveled from her lips to her ear to her jawbone. Finding nothing with his hands but bare skin, Han was intrigued and managed to ask between kisses, "Leia are you wearing anything at all?" Before she had any chance to reply, his lips found the answer for him. As he moved to kiss her neck, he found a cold metal collar there. He felt her tense suddenly beneath his touch and pull slightly away from him. What in the hell…? "Leia, is that a…?" He sat up with a start as he felt her pull back that much more and he listened to her breath catch in her throat. It was a collar and a chain. His brain filled in the blanks in a sudden flash of reality.

Han felt the bile rising in his gut at the thought of what he knew must have happened to Leia in Jabba's palace. He knew what the Hut did to women he fancied when they were captured. _Of course. _ That's why Leia hadn't been in the cell with him and Luke and Chewie; she was chained to Jabba's throne. She hadn't said a word to him about it, either. He could only hope that he hadn't embarrassed her in his obvious realization of just what had gone on while they were in the Hut's custody. It made Han's blood run cold to think about his beautiful Leia being subjected to such heinous treatment.

Leia stood quickly and Han listened to her footfalls as she crossed intently to the door. Damn. The door hissed open and he was sure that she was going to leave him there. But instead of hearing her boots on the deck walking away, he heard her call out into the corridor. "Artoo!" Leia called. Then, "threepio, can you send Artoo here right away?" Han listened to the whine of the engine and the pounding of his own heart in his ears until he could make out the sounds of R2-D2 responding to the summons. There was a whizzing sound, a whistle, and then a clank as Artoo picked open the lock on the damnable collar and Leia allowed it to fall to the floor.

The door shut again and Han was ninety percent sure that Artoo had left him and Leia alone again. He swallowed hard and looked as best as he could at her. His eyes weren't working properly for visual purposes, but he learned in that moment that his tear ducts hadn't been affected by hibernation sickness. His vision was worsening by the second as tears he could not fend off welled up in his eyes.

"It was…." He choked back a sob but was unable to finish his sentence. Leia nodded her head, but then, realizing that Han couldn't see her nod, responded with a curt,

"Yeah." She pulled at the crest of metal in her hair at the crown and with the other hand at the leather band fastening the end of her braid. "Jabba…" she began, taking a tentative step toward Han.

"Yeah," he cut her off. He was not about to make her relive even a moment of that vile experience "I know what…." Han wanted to find the words to tell her that he was well aware of the things that might have been done to her, but he didn't have any idea how to say it. He had never been a particularly loquacious man and all he could come up with under the circumstances was a repeated, "I know." Han leaned against the back of the bench and ran his hands through his hair. "Did I hear you tell Luke that you killed him?" he asked her. He thought that he had overheard that precise conversation; and either way Jabba the Hut was most certainly dead, but he wanted to know. "Before the barge blew?" he added to the question.

"Yeah," she answered quietly. She still hadn't returned to his side.

"Good," he said back to her. "That evil bastard deserved to die. And you deserved to be the one to do it; after what he…" He stopped. Han leaned forward until his elbows rested on his knees and he let his head fall into his hands.

"I'm going to get changed now," she said to him. He heard her footsteps and was able to follow the movement of her shape across the floor and into the tiny washroom. Leia hadn't planned to talk about this to him, or to anyone, while it was still this fresh in her mind. She reached her hands into the warm water in the basin that Han hadn't bothered to drain and splashed it onto her face and neck. She wiped herself dry with a towel from the shelf on her left and changed quickly from the loathsome costume she'd left Jabba's palace in into a white cotton tunic with a wide sash that had hung on a peg in the washroom since she had dressed in her bounty hunter garb just two days earlier. She heard the sound of what she knew had to be Han's fist slamming into the bench next to him; he'd hit the thing so hard that it had to have hurt. "Han?" she called to him. Leia turned quickly to face him as she finished over wrapping and tying the sash on her tunic. He made no move to acknowledge her. "Han," she addressed him again, running her fingers through her hair to undo her braids as she moved across the floor, her now bare feet making no noise as she went.

"And me making lewd comments…." He berated himself as his head hung and his brow furrowed. He was crying in earnest and he knew that she could tell. Leia hadn't realized that her quiet steps had resulted in his having no warning of her approach, the result of which being that he jumped a little when she put her hand on his shoulder.

"You didn't know," she comforted him. The truth was: she hadn't been at all offended by his flirting, and had she allowed herself a moment free of her preoccupation with his well being, she would have been free of the collar and chain and might still be flirting with him now.

"I should have," he asserted. "I mean; I should have guessed. I should have…." He didn't know what to say to her. How do you apologize to someone who has just saved your life for atrocities perpetrated upon her in the attempt?

"It's not your fault," She comforted, moving toward him. She stood before him and held his face in her hands, stroking his temples with her thumbs.

"It is my fault, Leia," he said back to her, looking toward her face and trying desperately to get his eyes to focus on hers. He had wanted to leave her; to leave them all. He knew that he'd be nothing but bad news for the Alliance; just the same as he'd only ever been bad for anyone he'd ever given a damn about in the past. Han Solo was no good to anyone but himself, and yet he hadn't been able to bring himself to part from her. He could make excuses for himself all day long, but the truth was that it had been for selfish reasons alone that he had stayed where he was. And she had fallen in love with him; and look what it had cost her. "I should have left you when I had the chance to," he said to her. "I should have run as far and as fast as I…"

"Is that what you want?" she asked, her voice softening yet again and her fingers going still against the skin of his face. "To run from me?" she added, "because if…"

"No, Leia," he interrupted, his head shaking against her palms. "I don't want to run any more. I want to stay with you," he confessed, unable to be the stalwart ne'er do well that he usually portrayed. "Stars help me," he added, "it might kill us all, but I want to stay." Leia sniffled. She climbed onto his lap, straddling his waist and letting her arms rest on his shoulders as she laced her fingers through his unruly hair. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck and felt his hands on her back as his arms wrapped around her waist.

"I want that too," she answered him, holding to him with all of her might. His bare chest felt warm through the tin cotton of her tunic and his hands felt good as he gently rubbed her back.

"We're going to be all right now, aren't we sweetheart?" he asked her quietly, threading his fingers through her hair. He'd never seen her hair all down before; not that he was exactly _seeing_ it now, but his fingers marveled at how long and how soft her tresses were, and how good she smelled- particularly in light of their recent ordeal.

"It can only get better," she posited. Han felt her smile and relax a little into his embrace. He sighed as he clung to her, still rubbing her back and stroking her hair in turn.

"Not better than this," he corrected her gently. "Nothing could get better than this."

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Please... the review button is RIGHT THERE...negative is OK, as long as you tell me WHY you hated it. Please click the button and say something???????

-MQ


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